Wow, it's been a while, huh?
Part of me's been throwing myself at this month-long novel-writing thing and part of me's been stewing in post-election fury, marinating in W.-through-2008 self-pity and cooking in my own juices of optimism gone wrong. (See my Nov. 1 post.)
I incorrectly said that America would dump the W. this year in favor of a candidate with class, brains and care.
But a majority of us took George W. Bush back.
To continue with the break-up analogy I started with, let's just say George W. is America's boyfriend. On Nov. 2, 2004, we reached a crossroads in our relationship: It looked like America was ready to part ways with W. and already had a new, much better significant other waiting in the wings, in the form of John Kerry.
Instead, we took Bush back.
In break-up terms, here's what that says.
George W. Bush is like America's boyfriend (or girlfriend) who:
--Raids America's bank account and distributes its hard-earned money to his already-rich friends, laughing at America behind its back for being stupid enough to give him access to its account.
--Crafts elaborate schemes to turn an overwhelming number of America's family against people he was once friends with and then gets a bunch of these people hungry to kill those former friends, even though he and his money-loving buddies never have to get their hands dirty but profit off the battle nonetheless.
--Tells America its skirts are too short or it watches too much porn. Makes America feel like a lesser human being because its not 'born-again Christian'. Only takes America to movies featuring a G or PG rating or Jesus Christ enduring torture.
--Lies about America's potential new significant other (John Kerry) by telling it Kerry changes his mind too much, even though W. is too stubborn to ever admit he might be wrong about something.
--Can't pronounce the names of most of the people he counts as "friends," unless their names are three syllables or less.
--Is in bed with people who basically would piss on America's landscaping, put America's kids in harm's way and would refuse America the right to check certain books out of the library.
--Can't carry on a decent conversation because he refuses to read the newspaper.
--Used most of America so he could jump back into the satin sheets with his richer, more powerful friends.
--Would let other people -- old, highly conservative people -- decide what's best for America, America's gay neighbors and pretty much everyone else but the elite friends he keeps protected.
--Believes that -- because a majority of America's acquaintances said he and America should get back together -- he and his staff have a right to pretty much trample America's rights and yell, "I'm not listening!" whenever any part of America disagrees.
--Has not, in the past four years, shown the slightest bit of aging or worry on his blank, smirking face. While America's almost-new boyfriend John Kerry looked worried and concerned over the course of a campaign and aged as he considered the fate of America if it didn't pick him as its new boyfriend, Bush trots along without a care in the world, his face unetched by the trauma he's caused.
It seems like most of America should pick up
this book, because let's face it, George W. is just not that interested in us.
